Not too long ago I was in a really dark place. A place I don’t want to relive and a place or go back to. Through the darkest of my days I cried out to God to rescue me and bring me through this ditch I was in. I wanted to be rescued, I wanted to be loved. And its not that God didn’t want that for me, but He wanted more for me. He wanted me to walk through and work through some things that I had pushed down deep within my soul just so I could breath and continue to survive.. But now I was at a place, my darkest hour and God didn’t want me to survive anymore, he wanted me to thrive.
So as I sought counseling and discussed the deep deep wounds from my past, my primitive years of growing up, my counselor said very firmly that I needed to recognize and embrace the little girl inside of me that needed to cry out to God, that needed his anointing healing hand to heal that precious little girl. I am not talking about going into multiple personalities, but I needed to recognize the areas in my life that weren’t met, the love I needed and the healing I needed to move forward. But that concept was hard for me to acknowledge. I felt damaged, unwrapped and unloved. I wanted everyone to think I had it all together when in reality I was dying a slow death inside. My soul was aching, and satan was using this very situation to bring me deeper and deeper into the pits of depression..
It happened in a sequence of events but God just spoke so deeply to me and really transformed me.. I Realized one day while moping my floors that throughout life I have had to trek through the muddy dirty waters and figure life out on my own. I never really had the parents to help me, encourage me or support me in that area. Actually instead of them helping me I wound up helping them and parenting them. As I journey through this Christian walk I realize the same thing. I am alone walking this out. With no parental guidance love and support to carry me through. The little girl inside of me so desperately wanted a mentor or a parental figure to scoop me up and save the day. I was just so tired of running the race alone and my body, soul and mind had unconsciously given up. I often thought to myself when is it my turn? When will someone love me enough to pour into me? To pour purified living water back Into my dehydrated fatigued soul? When is it going to be my turn to allow that little girl inside of me to crawl up to her mommy or daddy’s lap and be allowed to weep with an overflow of broken tears, knowing that I will be embraced, loved and cherished?
I remember one day sitting in such sadness and in shattered tears feeling so desperately alone. Someone save me, rescue me, notice that I just want to be loved. Loved in a way that Jesus loves. Loved in a way that I can trust without boarders. Loved In a way that I am not guarded but feel safe enough to soar like the wings of eagles. Loved in a way that I never have to doubt again who I am and who I was created to be. But as I yearned for that and so desired that fleshly person to exist God said I am right here. I am your everything. Your alpha and omega. Your beginning and your end. I will love you so much that your cup will overflow. I will embrace you so tight that you will be grasping for air and not because you are sinking but because your soul is being ignited and embrace with an unfailing love. I will love you in such a way that you will go to the top of the mountain, spread your arms as wide as you can and sing my praises because you have encountered, been transformed and experiences the supernatural touch, presence, embrace and love of me. Come sit on my lap my precious little angel and cry out all of your tears. I will never let you go. Cuddle, cradle, embrace me for I am God, the God of Israel, the God that knit you together in your mothers womb and I am the God that WILL heal that little girl inside of you with my anointed, supernatural, unfailing and unconditional love.
These words, these encounters with God just resinated in my soul. As lonely as I had felt, as much as this little girl so desperately needed love, God said I am right here and he has been holding my little sweet tender hands as I walk into freedom..Its a process but I have to say satan no longer has any ground in this area. I am standing firm in who God has created me to be and although satan tried to strip the essence of who God is away from me in my primitive years, he didn’t succeed. Satan tried to destroy my image of my God but he lost that battle because I know my God is bigger, stronger and mightier. He is a God that has already won my battle for me and He is a God that so deeply and passionately loves me that he isn’t ok with me surviving. He wants me healed so I can thrive and be a living, walking testimony to his faithfulness and goodness. For this, I will sing his praises all day long. For HE and He alone brought me out of the depths of despair and has restored my soul. He encountered me in my brokenness, heard the deep cries of my soul, saw the little girl inside of me that needed to be nurtured and loved, and set me on the path to freedom. For you my God are able and for you my God are my everything.