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What does praising God in All things look like? That is a hard question I have been pondering for months now. As I travel this journey of life and tackle the obstacles that lay ahead of me, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the curve ball I was hit with back in July. Since July I have been faced with a whirlwind of emotions and honestly I have not known what to do with them.

I have dealt with feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment and bitterness. I have felt fear, anxiety, depression and more disconnected from God then I have ever been. As the days progress and test after test is run, I have felt hopeless and undone. There are days that I feel alive and as if I can tackle the world ad there are days I throw myself a rather large pity party. There are days that I question “Why Me?’ and other days I am in awe that God thought so highly of me that he chose me to walk this journey out. But no matter how good or bad the day may seem, one question always remains, “How do I praise and glorify God through my circumstances?” because ultimately that is my hearts desire.

And as I sit here and write about this I have to be honest and say I really don’t know the answer to that and I do not what it looks like to walk this out. When I think about what tomorrow might bring I get so choked up I can hardly breath. To think about how things could get worse, wondering when I am going to have another attack, how my quality of life will be in 5-10 years from now and to think about my kids watching me deteriorate makes me want to run and hide. You see I still hear the piercing screams that shrieked out of Avery’s mouth when she witnessed me in an anaphylactic reaction. I still see the tears running down her face when I walk into the room when I am sick and her little heart gets taken over with sadness. I see the fear in her eyes when I am not feeling well and her repeated questions of do I need to call 911 for you.  I see how Jordyn comforts me and is always by my side. I see how Jordyn is constantly asking me if I am ok. I hear my husbands desperate cry to trying to talk to me while I was unresponsive, I see the fear in his eyes, the helplessness he feels , I see.. I see.. I see.

The things my family fears and face now because of my health terrify not only them but me. I wish I could just take it away and make everything better but that is not where God has us right now. HE has us in a season where we/I have been in the wilderness. Feeling distant and disconnected from the Lord. He has me in a season of purification, stripping me of everything I once held on so tightly to and he has me in a season where I have become completely undone. I have been living in fear, anxiety and in panic. I have known in my head how desperately I have needed him but my heart and through my actions I have pushed God so far away. I feared that in my biggest time of crisis he would disappoint me and leave me alone. I have felt bitterness towards God for having me go through yet another challenging time in my life and I was quickly sinking in quick sand, tunneling down a very dark and lonely hole. Yet, there was always this glimmer of light. This little ray of sunshine that would make its way through the darkness bringing me a word of encouragement, a glimpse of hope, reminding me that my GOD is bigger than any obstacle, fear, illness I face. I serve a God who is just, almighty and is the ultimate healer in ALL things. So instead of running away from Him, I have slowly been leaning in towards him.

I love what our Pastor said at church a few weeks back about praying. When he talked about praying for others he stated that God is not concerned about changing our circumstances as much as he is with changing people. TRUTH. Its how we walk out our circumstances that really changes our circumstances. Do you get that? When we walk out our circumstances focused on God, praising HIM in and through all things our attitude and mindset are set on things above. They are focused on his promises and truths and thats when the shalom peace of God transcends into our inner most being. Its when we receive that shalom peace that we are able to walk out any obstacle with confidence, knowing things will be ok.

Have you ever really meditated on the word shalom.? What do you say to your kids when they are wild, crazy and out of control? You say SH… because you want to settle them down, you want them to find rest, you want them to find peace. You say it because there is something soothing in the sound of SH that quiets your soul. There is something  that brings you down a level from the panic state you are in and it brings you to a place without chaos and unfathomable stillness. A place where you can listen and receive. That is what God wants us to experience no matter what we are facing. No matter what trial or obstacle, no matter how big or small, he wants us to ultimately experience HIS SHALOM peace in all things.

So for now, as I trek through the day to day reality of my new reality, I sit in awe of God. I find a peace and rest in Him that I really can’t explain. I find comfort in knowing He is working overtime in fighting this battle for and with me and I find comfort in knowing that HE sends me just what I need when I need it. He has yet to fail me and He has yet allowed me to sink completely into darkness. He has sent his anointed hand, time and time again, stretched way out to grab me, rescuing me from drowning from the depths of the sea.

So I don’t think about tomorrow, for it has enough worries of its own. I am trying to live in the present of each day praising God for the grace and mercy he has given me to conquer that day and all that it may bring. I Praise Him for the little side effects I have had thus far from the medications, I praise him for the phenomenal team of doctors he has placed in my path and I praise him for such a loving and supportive husband who didn’t sign up for this when he married me but who has loved me, encouraged me and held my hand every step of the way. I praise Him for children that adore me and have laid with me, prayed with me and have hugged me tight, especially when I needed it most.  I praise him for the journey he has me on, the things I have lost and the things I have gained. I praise him for those near and far and I praise him for the angels he continuously places in my life to remind me of his faithfulness and goodness. I do not know if I will be healed of my disease. As far as medicine is concerned its not curable, just manageable. But I serve a God who does heal and has a cure for everything. I will continue to press forward, I will continue to pray for healing and I will continue to PRAISE GOD in and through all things. No matter how depleted, how broken, how weak I am there is one thing I know for certain, HE is my strength and my stronghold and what I may think is impossible he says is possible,  and for that I am grateful.


Isaiah 43:1-3..“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;


Please continue to stand in the gap for my family and pray for us. If you would like to pray, send a scripture or a word of encouragement please do