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I want to thank you all for your prayers. They have definitely been felt and I have truly had peace during this process. Thank you all.

While I have been resting up and recovering here in bed, having time to pray and meditate on God and His word I was reminded once again of the many struggles I have faced and how I have overcome them. I was reminded of the depths of love God has for me and I was reminded that no matter what I face I am not alone.

I have stated this many times in my blog and I will restate it many more. My life has not been glorious and there have been many struggles and triumphs I have faced. There have been many low points and many days where I did not think I would make it through. The valleys, ditches and darkness I was faced with were so overwhelming at points I did not think I could take another breath. I did not think my life would ever be worth living and I honestly did not want to live at times. When I was in my darkest of hours, gasping, shivering, welting away in my sorrow God would show up, even in the dimmest of lights and show me a glimpses of hope. Rays of sun would come shining down on me and there were those days God sent his angels, a scripture a phone call from a friend that reminded me not to give up. You see the battles we face here on earth are not battles of the flesh. They are battles against powers and principalities. They are battles against the rulers of this dark world and they are battles in which the enemy is working overtime to try and wipe us out.

You see, the reality is the world says to give up or give in. The world will tell you that you are worthless, rejected and unloved. The world will tell you it isn’t worth fighting for BUT God says differently. God says have faith and trust in Him, for his promises are TRUTH and his word and love is everlasting. He tells us to put on the armor of God and fight. Gods WORD never said we will not suffer, encounter pain, trials or tribulations but what it DOES say is that when we do encounter these things that we need to be prepared. To have all the tools in our tool belt to be ready to fight on the front lines of the battlefields. To be able to slay the giants that are awaiting us and to be guarded and protected in HIS truths. You see when we are grounded in who we are in Christ, when we are grounded in His truths and not the lies of the enemy, we are able to rebuke all things that are not of God. We are able to speak in the power and authority of HIS name and we are able to stand firm in who and what he has called us to be. When we are grounded in Him, we will not be able to swayed or knocked down. When the heavy winds and storms of life come at us, we will be able to withstand the storm and conquer all that comes at us. Yes when the storm hits us we might have some rubble and broken pieces, maybe even some cracks but our foundation will not be shaken. And as for the rubble, pieces and cracks that we may encounter, the reality is some of that “junk” probably needed to fall from our house anyways. They are probably the strongholds, pride and contentment we are holding onto because we fear giving up all control of our house. However, once they fall and once we see how God restores and bends those pieces back together, we can then proclaim his power, love and faithfulness, We can sing his praises and give him all the glory. It is then that our testimony through our storm, brings others to the love and hope of Christ.

I write all this to say as I am going through one of the heaviest storms of my life. having no control of this disease and what it is doing internally to my body. As I face many giants before me and face an enemy who is working overtime to discourage me, fill my brain with negative thoughts and an enemy is who trying HARD to tear me down in every aspect of life, I hold onto the most powerful truth of all.. GOD loves me, He is going before me on this huge battlefield, fighting on my behalf and I have a God who is faithful and works ALL things together for the good of those who love him. I serve a God who is worthy of ALL of my praise. Even in the shadow of the valley of death and even in the green pastures, He is still a loving and faithful GOD. I serve a God who calls me by name, created me in my mothers womb, and knows my inner most thoughts and desires. I serve a God who will never give me more than I can handle and I serve a God that sent his only son to die on a cross for me so that I can have eternal life. Do you get that last statement? God gave his son, who faced more struggles, triumphs and pain than you and I can possibly imagine. HE suffered a painful horrific death so I/we could live in freedom and could know His love and have eternal life. POWERFUL and PROFOUND!!! Meditate on that..

So when I get texts, emails and notes saying I am so sorry you are encountering this I say I am not sorry but I am thankful.  Yes this isn’t what I had “ordered” in my life and it is for sure not what I had planned. I pray everyday for freedom in this and to have more days of feeling well. However, if God chose me to walk through this, if he chose me to experience this suffering I am PRAISING him because he loves me that much that he has allowed me to journey this road, having him as my backbone, my strength, my rock and my shield so I can conquer what lies ahead giving him all the glory and praise. If this journey I am on is so that just one person comes to know HIS love, HIS faithfulness and HIS name, it is so beyond worth it for me. Our lives should be an open book, a transparent testimony of HIS goodness. It is then that people will take notice of how we are walking the toughest of days out with your head held high and having peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding and its not because what we are doing, its because what God is doing through us.

Although this is not what I had anticipated for my life, I am running the race God has set before me with my head held high and my eyes focused on HIM. I would not change my path I am on for through this I have learned a deeper love, trust and hope in Christ. I have learned to lean on others for prayer, support and strength and I have learned I CANNOT fight this battle on my own. That I DO need an army of believers fighting, praying and standing on the front lines of this battlefield with me and for me, especially on the days I am weak and weary. I have learned that I need to release all things I cannot control and allow God to be God. I have learned to be still enough to hear his voice and I have learned that his love truly endures forever. I have learned that it is 100% ok to grieve the loss I am faced with but in that grieving allowing him to lavish me with his unconditional faithful love. I have learned it is ok to be weak as long as I allow him to be my strength and I have learned that he will truly NEVER leave me nor forsake me. He has cradled me under his wings, protecting me, guiding me and soaring high with me so I shall not fear. I have learned that there is NO other way and I honestly do not know what I would do if I had to face ALL of this without HIM holding my hand. GRATEFUL beyond words.

So my challenge to you and myself is this. When we are faced with life altering situations and circumstances who will we turn to? Will it be the world and grow bitterness, hate and resentment or will it be towards God, where we will find peace, comfort and strength?

Psalm 23…The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil: my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.