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I feel terrible that I have not kept you all up to date but the reality is life has been crazy. I was back in the hospital having severe facial spasms and slurred speech. The doctor that admitted me wanted a spinal tap done which the neurologist on staff cancelled and said I did not need one. HE was a very arrogant pompous individual. They ruled out a stroke and anything brain related due to the MRI taken.

Anyways I am home and things have gotten worse. My facial spasms have intensified and my speech gets very slurred, sometimes hard to process things. I am on a constant rotation of medicines to help calm my face but as soon as they start to wear off, the cycle continues.

I am struggling in so many ways and so are my children and my loving husband. I sing his praises as how he stepped up to the plate and is truly living out his marriage vows to me. My heart breaks for my kids and him. The other day Avery came to me in pure joy and excitement and said mom, you had a great day, you didn’t shake at all. This poor girl is so scared to leave my side and is wanting to constantly help me. Sweet precious thing.

I am very weary, very scared and sometimes feel hopeless. I go to bed every night praying that something will change and I will wake up healed. But then I get out of bed, try to walk and talk and realize that is not the case.

I did get an appointment with the Mayo Clinic but that is not until July 11-12. John has sent them videos of my spasms and is calling today to see if by any chance, by the miracle of God I can get seen earlier. At this point and time I cannot be left alone and need someone here with me at all times. My in-laws were fabulous and were here for two weeks, my mom is taking care of me this week and from then on, well I am praying God sends us people.

John set up an account for people to donate to, to help us with medical expenses, travel and so forth as this is going to be a financial hit as we try and seek what is going on in my body. And God has blessed us tremendously through that. Thank you and AMEN.

So, as Kim asked me yesterday, where am I? That right now is a tough question but I will be as real with you as I can. There are days I say I am ready to go home with Jesus because the pain gets the best of me. But then I look at my littles and the love and compassion they have for me and I for them and the fight comes back. I have received messages from people that have tried to knock me off course, and they did until Gods truth was spoken straight into my face. At the end of each day, after multiple facial spasms, many drugs taken, I feel I have lost the fight but then I start fresh in the mornings and remember God is fighting this with me and for me.

There is know doubt in my mind that there will be a breakthrough and that healing is just around the corner. I know that through this John and I have gotten closer and our trust and faith in God has grown deeper. God continues to bless us and shows His hands and feet to us by the way people have loved on us, served us and prayed for us. I really do not know what the future holds. If I think about it I begin to cry, which I do often anyways. But what I do know is that my faith and trust in HIM is growing stronger and stronger. I know through this journey many lives are being impacted and that has been my biggest prayer through this all. That through my life, my pain, my suffering that the masses would come to know His great name and in more deeper and more intimate ways. I still pray for that and I pray my testimony and how I walk out this obstacle before me, that I do it in such a way that brings HIM honor and glory. For HE continues to be my strength when I am weak, He continues to shine His light when I feel I am headed into darkness, He continues to send his angels to love on us, send us messages of hope and scriptures for us to hold on tightly to. It amazes me how deeply and passionately HE loves me. It amazes me that He catches me when I feel like I am falling and that He provides just what I need exactly when I need it. For all the praises and glory goes to HIM…

I ask that you pray for all of us. This is affecting every single one of us in different ways. That God continues to provide for us and that we can get to see the right doctors ASAP. I am up for visitors if you are comfortable with the fact that my face spasms, and that I can’t walk or talk well at times. God says when two or more gather together in my name, He is with us (Matthew 18:20). Lets join together in prayer. Lets expect Gods anointed hand to pour down His miracles over me and lets expect to see HIM in mighty mighty ways.

love you all deeply and thank you for standing in the gap for me and my family. Although we are weary we have peace and know God is in control, Has this and us.  He is bigger than what we are facing and He promises in Isaiah 41:10 ” So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” His truths are what sustains us and carries us through.   (this is the link to my fundraiser)