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Yesterday December 28th, marked 4 years that my twin babies went to heaven to be with Jesus. WOW I cannot believe how time flies and I honestly “forgot” until I walked out of my bedroom this morning and the girls were talking to John about how they will see their siblings in heaven one day. How these babies died in my belly and one day they will see them face to face.

It simply amazes me how these little girls are so in touch with their emotions and with the Lord. How they seek him, want to know more about him and thirst for HIM. How they understand that they will meet their siblings one day and how they anticipate it and look forward to that day. How they have a deep love in their hearts for two babies they never got to know and how compassionate they are in all they do.

I am not going to lie to you and say that there isn’t a deep sorrow, a deep loss when I think about this huge loss in my life. It was by far one of the hardest most painful trials I have ever had to walk through in my life. It was heart wrenching, left me face down on the floor screaming at God, questioning his love for me, why he would allow this to happen and it was a complete loss of faith, hope and trust for me. I felt alone, I felt stripped and I did not know how I would sever get through such a deep, sorrowful, life altering trauma.

But GOD… But God allowed this trial, this journey to bring me into a deeper place with him. He allowed such a hard, painful time to bring about glory and honor to his name. I dug deep into places I never knew needed healing. He met me, he embraced me and he loved on me in such a way that actually rebuilt my hope and faith in him and it was a powerful transformation. The way he allowed me to experience deep suffering was a reminder of the pain he felt when he sacrificed his only son so that we may be set free and have eternal life. The times I cried out “Why ME” were the times he reminded me “Why not YOU?” ┬áIf Jesus experienced such pain why couldn’t I?

So as I sit here and mourn the loss of two babies I never got to meet, I too wait in anticipation of meeting them one day face to face, embracing them and loving on them. But for now, they have the best parent ever, GOD. They are sitting at HIS right hand as HE holds them tight, loving on them and they are experiencing nothing but a glorious pain free life watching over all of us and reminding us that HE is faithful, he is just and HE is love. You see, Jace is my everyday reminder of this. If the twins would have been born, I would have never had my sweet, yummy, loving adorable Jace. His face, his life, his spirit and love is a my daily reminder of Gods faithfulness and love for me. For that, I am eternally grateful.

So as the years pass and the kids talk about the twins and as we grow more and more in him and in his image, I can still grieve this huge loss I experienced and endured but I get to celebrate the three little angelic miracles he blessed me with. I am thankful for all I have walked through because it allowed me to walk through a desolate, dark valley, not thinking I could ever lift my head again to see sunlight, to a place where I sing his praises for the work he did in and through me.

Life isn’t always what we think it should be or how we have planned it out, but God knows best. He is in control. He knows our beginning and our end, He orchestrates all that we go through, the best of the best and the word of the worst. But God is faithful, he is just and he will always walk through the shadow of the valley of death with us, send us angels, bring us hope and encouragement and he will see us through until we raise up onto of the mountaintop, to a place we can soar and a place where our hearts and eyes are transformed, glistening with a deeper level of hope and love in HIM.

Trust, seek and YOU will find peace, comfort and an unfailing, unwavering love in HIM

Prayers with you today my sweet friends