Yesterday was a HARD emotional but humbling day. As y’all know for the past 10 plus weeks I have been faced with difficult season with health issues. Although God has healed me in tremendous ways, I am still being faced with frequent facial/ head tics along with the vocal/ stuttered speech tics.
The last two weeks I began getting out of the house in small increments, in small and controlled environments. I can walk small distances and in spurts but if I need to go a long distance I need to be in a wheelchair as walking puts too much stress on my body and the tics begin to increase.
Last week I started up the Bible studies again at my house and although that was hard to have all these littles seeing me like this, they know this is not how Mrs. Alison usually is. We talked about how God has already healed me in tremendous ways and for right now I still have this “funny” thing that happens with my head and voice but that I am standing firm on His truths and promises and I KNOW I will be completely healed. I don’t know if that will be tomorrow, in three weeks from now, 5 months or even years but we will continue to trust HIM and His promises and pray for healing.
All that to say, yesterday after 10 weeks of being “housebound” I went to church and all I can say is WOW. Having all these eyes looking at me in the wheelchair, eyes staring at me with wonder while in the midst of an attack of my head in non stop tics, just had my heart humbled with tears streaming down my face. I was looked at with sympathy eyes and as that disabled person. In the midst of feeling sad for myself, I immediately started praising God for allowing me to physically and emotionally feel what sooo many others feel. Whether being in a wheelchair, having a physical deformity, or whatever the disability, God has allowed me (or like my pastors wife said, chose me) to feel and embrace the stares, looks and the uncomfortableness of being the one “looked” at with questionable minds. I needed to surrender my flesh for wanting to explain “this isn’t really me, I am just walking through a hard time with health issues.” and I needed to embrace the work God was doing in my own heart. WOW WOW WOW God is good.
You see, the past 10 plus weeks I have felt like a Leper. There have been some people that have not wanted to be around me due to my health issues yet there have been soo many that have loved on me and embraced me with open arms. I have had a FEAR of going out in public because I didn’t want to make others feel uncomfortable. Yesterday, as HARD as it was, was a pivotal and transformational day. I had to face the fear of what others were thinking, surrender it to the cross and I needed to stand FIRM on who God has called me to be. I needed to fight the attacks from the enemy and TRUST in God’s perfect and anointed plan for my life. I needed to rest in knowing I am HIS beloved daughter and needed to have BIG faith that God will use ALL of this to glorify His name and His kingdom.
With tears welling up in my eyes with each child I saw asking their parents, mom why is her head doing that, and with each stare that gazed upon me I truly needed to surrender all of me to ALL of Him. I needed to be still and KNOW that He is God and that He has me securely under His wings and that He is faithfully carrying me through this storm.
Yesterday’s message that Pastor Josh and his wife Jana Howerton preached on “Break Me,” was POWERFUL, ANOINTED and right smack in the middle of the journey I am being faced with. Although my daily prayer is for God to purify me, search me and send me, it doesn’t make it easier when in the midst of the storm and fire.
It was soooo refreshing to hear them being vulnerable and transparent with their own battles with brokenness, how God saw them through and how He used their story, their testimony to launch their ministry. It was a message so many needed to hear, including myself because I needed that reminder in the midst of my little pity party, that although crushed and broken HE is using it ALL for HIS kingdom.
God is good all the time and through this journey, I have drawn closer to Him, I have cried a TON and I continuously pray He uses this to bring the masses to KNOW HIM and experience Him in deeper more profound ways. I told someone the other day if this is the season I am in I am ok with it because I know God is doing amazing things in and through this BUT hand me the microphone so I can proclaim just how amazing and faithful He is, even in the midst of the fiery furnace. For He is faithful and He is GOOD.
Whatever YOU are facing today, take a step back, find a quiet place and pour out your heart to God. He hears the cries of our hearts and He promises to meet us and carry us through. He promises that we will see the light of life through the suffering of our souls and He promises that by His stripes we ARE healed. Trust in Him, lean into Him and allow Him to break you, search you and purify YOU. It is NOT easy but the freedom He provides through the purification process to heal us, both emotionally and physically is WORTH the season of pain. Trust me but most of all trust HIS word and promises, they will set you FREE.
Praying for y’all and as sending big anointed Jesus love and hugs
❤️😇❤️
Alison