I have really been seeking God and what message HE desired for me to share today and I stumbled on a journal entry I wrote some time ago and it continues to resinate in my soul and I really felt that I needed to share it. I know it may stir up some controversy and I am fully aware that through my transparency and vulnerability the enemy will try all his weapons to attack me and try and bring me down. However, my obedience to the Lord far outweighs the attacks I will encounter from the enemy. I stand firm on HIS truths and promises for me and I am willing to hear the critiques because I am shielded and guarded by the almighty God and I continuously pray that HE coats me with Rainax. So that any and all words that are not of him, that come at me like a double edged sword, would roll up into little ball pellets and roll off of me. That no words spoken against me, that are not of HIM, that are not uplifting and glorifying in the LORD, would not stick, would not have an affect on me and that they would roll of me and land at the foot of the cross. My prayer today is that my story, struggles and redemption brings light and hope, that it touches a soul that is so desperately needing revived and that whoever needs to read this finds a resurrected life through Christ..
I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.( Isaiah 41:9-14)
Words I so needed to hear today. That my God would go to the ends of the earth to save me. For me to be able to see His face. For me to know He has not rejected me but instead has chosen me by name. That my God wants to embrace me and lavish me with his unfailing and unconditional love. A love that I so desperately was seeking today from Him. A love that I thought was just as hurtful and wounding as the love I have experienced from my earthly father. The question I pondered all day today after receiving another gut punching reminder of the rejection, abandoning, unloving “love” I had experienced from my earthly father. The question of, If God chose this man to be my father and God knows ALL things, knowing who I would become and knowing who he would become, why would HE allow me to be a child of such a selfish, uncaring hurtful human being? And if HE allowed that, then why would HE (God) be any different in His love towards me?
As much as I know the truth in all of this the heart wrenching pain I felt today at the depths of my soul could not overcome the terrible hurt I felt once again. My soul was aching, it was in despair and I so needed a supernatural love to fill me again. I cried out to God, seeking to see His face in the midst of such heavy waters. How can a father abandon and orphan His child? Today was a difficult day for many reasons that I really do not want to relive nor discuss. However, it allowed me to dig deep within my soul to find the strength to find HIS unfailing and unconditional love. You see when we are hurt by people in our lives that are supposed to love us, the wounds and pain that one experiences goes deep within. It cuts you to the core of your being and it sometimes easy to fall into a dark and lonely place.
So as I sit here with my soul feeling shattered, and ponder these questions for the day, listening to worship music and search the Scriptures my soul begins to feel refreshed. I am stilled with His quiet voice reminding me of the POWER of HIS love. I am reminded that even though my earthly father may forsake me that my Heavenly father promises never to leave me nor forsake me. I am reminded that with HIS strength I will soar high like the wings of eagles. I am reminded that HIS love for me is unfailing, unconditional and unshaken. I am reminded that there is purpose for what I have encountered through my earthly father and I am reminded that through HIS love, through HIS promises and through HIS presence that I have not been abandoned but that I am a child of the one true KING.. So I am NOT fatherless, I have the best daddy in the world.
The 2 Scriptures that God have truly blessed me through this heartache are Isaiah 40:28-31 and Isaiah 41:9-14. I write this because I feel that someone out there is going through something very similar to what I experienced. Someone that is searching to be loved, and someone that might have lost hope. If you are not aware of these Scriptures look them up. They bring hope, they bring light and they bring an unconditional, unfailing, everlasting love. Gods word says He weeps with those who weep and rejoices with those who rejoice. It brings light to those in the dark and brings hope to those walking in the wilderness. It allows you to be loved , embraced and fathered. It allows those who feel “orphaned” to know that there is a God that has NOT rejected you but that has CALLED YOU by NAME. Seek him and you will find HIM. Enter into HIS throne room, and you will never want to leave HIS embrace.. Praying for you all.. XOXOXO
ISAIAH 40:28-30… Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
ISAIAH 41:9-14… I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.